It's the most wonderful time of the year!
Meet & Greets Monday, first day Wednesday!
What to expect in the following email:
An immediate digression from the information this email hopes to communicate!
A request for children’s clothing.
An invitation to say hello.
A save the date for the first PTO meeting.
We have a rule in our house. It’s a silly rule, but I take it very seriously. The rule is that if someone expresses sincere enjoyment of a commercial on television, they are required to do push-ups. These companies, they’re just trying to trick us into liking them so that we’ll give them money. There is no benevolence in their Trojan horse gift of a laugh—this is a crassly transactional relationship / brainwashing-operation. And, sure, fine! This is America! Practically the whole economy relies on advertising dollars, one way or another.1 The idea with the push-ups is to fight back against the positive association my kids’ brains just made with the company advertising to them by further immediately associating their enjoyment of a commercial with physical work that they find unpleasant.
All of which is to say that this is one of the greatest commercials of all time:
“Twenty push-ups for laughing at those children’s misery!”
In the mid-1990s—so, like, what? 10 years ago or so? Certainly not 30 YEARS AGO OH WHY—I did not care for that commercial. It made mockery of my youthful pain, delighting in the father’s joy at his kids’ summer vacation coming to an end. And with a Christmas song, no less, which only reinforced just how far away the next glorious holiday break was.
My daughter has none of that dread about going back to school, because, of course, our beloved Johnson Elementary is a source of wonder and joy and community for her, and she cannot wait to meet her new teacher and see a class list. And when I really think back, I think even I was almost always more excited than bummed that another school year was about to begin.
The above commercial does tell at least half a truth, though, which is that parents really do love it when school starts again. Not just because it means that the kids are out of the house for seven hours a day, either. I’m glad school is back because I know that at Johnson, the teachers and staff will provide a structured and comfortable environment to nurture my kid’s natural curiosity. I trust that she will be safe and happy there. She will have fun. She will not just learn things that she will quiz me with and that I will have to surreptitiously Google the answers to, she will also continue to figure out how to be in the world, benefitting from the guidance of people who really do care about her. What a remarkable thing!
The writer Kurt Vonnegut wrote the following about volunteer fire departments: “I can think of no more stirring symbol of man’s humanity to man than a fire engine.” What he meant was that for all our failings, we humans are capable of stunning compassion and selflessness and ingenuity and courage in defense of each other and our communities, too. For him, this was most succinctly expressed by the image of the volunteer fire truck. For me, our neighborhood public elementary school represents much the same thing—that our community is united in the project of raising the next generation of smart and caring kids, a project which benefits us all.
So it really is the most wonderful time of the year! A time to appreciate the return of public schooling, and also that the humidity might finally be about to break.
Johnson Clothing Closet Requests
The Johnson Clothing Closet is in need of athletic shorts and pants in boys and girls sizes 5/6 & 7/8, and some girls size 10 leggings and tops. If anyone is cleaning out their closets or has a pile of children’s clothes they no longer need, please bring them to the school. These clothes are used to give kids who have various accidents at school something to change into, and also to help out families in need. Thanks!
PTO Table at the Meet & Greets
Your friendly neighborhood PTO will be at Johnson throughout the afternoon on Monday, so stop by to purchase some new Johnson Elementary t-shirts, sweatshirts, or other merchandise, or just to say hello! We’d love to chat about anything on your mind, and we definitely won’t trick you into filling an empty seat on the PTO board or anything like that.
Save the Date
Our first general PTO meeting of the school year will be on Tuesday, September 10, at 6:00 p.m. in the Johnson cafeteria. Please join us! The PTO is here to support the school, of course, but the PTO is also whatever you want it to be. We are here to serve the best ideas of our most passionate community members. Come tell us what else we should be working on!
And one more thing…
No PTO email would be complete without passing the collection basket around. We are fairly desperately low on funds at the moment after sending out teacher reimbursements for school supplies and not asking you for any money all summer long. We have our usual assortment of fun fundraisers and restaurant nights and of course also the ceaseless doughnut pitch to come as the school year gets rolling—but for now, maybe pop us a few bucks over on Venmo? It would really put our treasurer’s mind at ease to get a few donation notifications pinging in after the summer of funds only going out. And of course pick up some new Johnson gear from us at school on Monday—that helps too!
Hope to see everybody at school on Monday! Talk to you soon.
No matter that, personally, I just kinda doubt that all this marketing is as effective as everyone seems to believe it is. I write fundraising emails for the PTO after all, so I know a thing or two about the futility of having a good hook and a captive audience.